G'Day Folks,

News that the Running Hares were Two Dicks and Woofter, had spread like wildfire and it was another two bus convoy that left the Caravelle Hotel for The Blue Hotel in Binh Duong Province.

Woofter introduced the run incorrectly, but no-one noticed, and then Two Dicks got stuck in to the Walkers. He wanted them to behave more like the Runners, asking them to look for paper and to call 'ON ON'. He was wasting his breath. As it turned out, the Runners were more like the Walkers as the distance, heat and terrain took their toll, reducing progress in the second half of the run to a snail's pace.

The start of the run took them down a sandy trail past numerous rubbish tips, into a quarry and then on towards market gardens and a natural spring. Fortunately, the large brown snake encountered on Saturday was not in evidence. Our usual wobbly hedgehog syndrome sufferer, Aushole, failed to perform so Peckerhead bravely took his place taking a nasty dive on the first bit of tricky running track. He retired hurt to join the Walkers and Tonto. We then ran down a stream bank, crossed over a bridge and ran up the other bank. It was hot and humid and a fairly dishevelled and tired pack made the final wet stream crossing before climbing up through more open gardens on their way to another large quarry. The two Hares decided to cut out one of the loops because the Hounds were not coping too well. They had fallen for the many cunning traps and natural checks prepared by the Hares and were now refusing to look for paper. A couple of young bulls soon got them going again. I can't recall an occasion when tethered bulls have targeted a Hasher. These two certainly made up for lost time and there were bulls and Hounds running hither and thither until a young, local girl got hold of their nose ropes and brought the fun and games to a swift conclusion. Once we had escaped the bulls close interest, we got back onto sandy trails that threaded their way past picturesque small hamlets and woods and a Vietnamese pot bellied pig having an early tea. It was a joy to be out in the countryside and to appreciate the skill of the Hares. A final couple of tricky bends and natural checks led a sorry bunch of Hounds to the bus. It goes without saying their arrival coincided with the walkers who had been ably led by Head Mistress and Fuck Me Not Happy. We'd planned for a 9 klicks run, so we were a little concerned to find we had over-run by 200 metres. Must get one of those new fangled GPS, get lost, devices.

Once the sun had eased behind a large building, the Circle was opened with a couple of announcements. The MMC had decided to raise the registration fees for first time Vietnamese to VND 100,000. The normal Vietnamese fee was going up to VND 80,000 starting in August. Some of the locals described this as racist and GM agreed. He did point out that Foreign fees had been raised recently and added the usual BS about inflation. Secretly, he was happy to remind himself this would be his last HCMC Hash as GM. Mighty Quinn was unable to continue as Hare Razor because, despite very low expectations, the Hash had failed to provide her with a boyfriend so she was leaving us for pastures new. Pecker Head was voted in as the new Hare Razor. His willing acceptance was probably due to his earlier fall and subsequent concussion. Always catch them when their guard is down. Finally, we are going to give away 5 Smiles ($500) for the local charity, Operation Smile. Our 18th Anniversary Run will be linked to raising funds for this charity under the guidance of Good To The Last Drop.

Paddy Fag took over from GM and brought the Hares out to wild acclaim. Aushole said it was one of the best runs he had been on and Pecker Head made similar comments about the walk. Well done to the Hares and particularly to Head Mistress as this was her first Hare set. Your T-Shirt should be available in Mui Ne. Paddy Fag, now in the guise of Religious Adviser, brought out 5 Visitors and 10 Virgins for his usual brand of subtle humor. Following their welcome, it was time to name James. GM made a long and impassioned plea for a name that would either reflect his inability to pee or his inability to contact Ralph on the porcelain phone. Megan, who was unfortunate enough to be sat opposite James when he managed to reduce every word in the English language to one beginning with the letter 'F', managed to make a little story out of Yank My Chain. Good try Megan, but you need to pad these stories out a bit to ensure maximum ice time. El Flatulante, thought he had finally got rid of Bum Gravy but it was not to be. In the show of hands, Dribble Dick got the nod. This was Doggy Style's suggestion, having poached it from Woofter.

We then moved on to all the news that wasn't the news in what can only be described as another slow news week. A couple of stories had caught GM's eye so all was not lost. A recent survey had concluded that women's brains were larger than men's brains in certain key areas. The first area that is larger in a woman's brain, is the one that deals with pain. Woofter though it meant women were bigger pains but the female members of the Circle pointed out this was an incorrect interpretation. The next brain area surveyed was the one that looks after spacial orientation. Apparently, women have more capacity in this skill centre. How have they managed to keep that under wraps for so long? Another shock was women had more brain space than men in the area that controls decision making. Perhaps this is because they have to make so many decisions, as they repeatedly change their minds. The clincher that proved the survey must be accurate, was men's brains were larger in the area involved with sex. Bush Wallaby and Aushole, who had been a pain up until then, discussing sex in a loud voice, were brought out for a drink. At this point, proceedings were interrupted by a couple of noisy ex-GM's. Tonto and Two Dicks, both new to Zorok, were showing the early signs so they cooled their heels on the ice while GM got on with the news. Doggy Style had recently disappeared for about 10 days but now all was revealed. He had been in Sydney producing T-Shirts with the slogan, 'I've been touched by the Pope, Down Under'! He was joined by Paddy Fag for a swift one. The final news item related to a UK Equal Opportunities Commission triumph. Due to increased summer movements at the Isles of Scilly airport, they had advertised for a new Air Traffic Controller. Thanks to the latte drinking, left wing, liberal chattering classes, they had sent out an application in braille and received a reply. They were now in a quandary as to what to do. Arthole and Head Mistress represented the lefty lot and Woofter ably stood in for the aviation side of things.

The Circle was then opened for charges. Paddy Fag was out of the blocks like a startled rat to accuse the French and the Germans. The Germans because the Pope was Down Under and the French because they did not accept the Irish referendum,' No' vote. Good charges. Pissmeister and a German Virgin drank to that. Dog Ass then announced this would be his last Hash. If one last Hash drinks, all last Hash's drink so Woofter joined him. Woofter then charged Lynn, a comely accountant from San Fran somewhere-or-other. We set high standards for appearance on this Hash but Lynn had not quite made the grade. Yes, she had spent most of the bus journey filing her nails and applying copious amounts of body lotion, but where was the nail varnish? El Flatulante, sporting a money saving hair cut for Woofter's final appearance, joined her. She ended up on the ice but that might have been for another charge. I think we might have found a replacement for Ass Istant if we haven't frightened her off. There were a couple of more charges, but by now the Zorok was kicking in and I can't remember them.

The Circle was closed and Woofter headed for the bus. 'Not so fast', cried Paddy Fag who then had the outgoing GM placed on the ice. After considerable personal abuse as Bad Cop, he then morphed into a Good Cop bearing gifts. There was a book on Australia with lots of pictures. Another book about communication was offered along with a book on survival in the Australian outback. All very useful and thoughtful presents. My thanks to the MMC. Woofter's favourite, the book with the pictures, was then taken off him and returned to Hot Dawg who was complaining bitterly about a stolen book. Paddy Fag then rounded off a perfect icing by pouring beer over Woofter's one and only T-Shirt. The smell of beer certainly got his wife's attention when they all met up at the ON ON at Stella's in Pham Ngu Lao.

Good luck and continuous prosperity for Saigon H3 in the future.

That's it.

Woofter