The site chosen for our 900th run was a real live (according to Pencil Dick) extinct Volcano some 6 kilometres after the turn off to Da Lat, along Highway 20. A Saturday was picked so the Hashers could take full advantage of the special Saigon H3 anniversary dinner due to start at 2000. Two buses left the Caravelle at 1330, arriving at Nguyen Hue town exactly on time at 1510.

A short brief followed and the runners set off through a rubber plantation. As this was away from the Volcano, some of the more alert hounds were showing early signs of confusion. Paddy Fag was happy enough, enjoying his charge through the leaf litter as the Volcano receded in his 6 o’clock. After half a klick the run turned round, crossed Highway 20 and headed into difficult terrain. If hashers were not familiar with pumice stone and lava before the beginning of the run, they were by the end. Aushole even went as far as eating some of it! Over large boulders, through banana, coffee and pineapple plantations, the hashers toiled ever upwards. There were few places to run and most of those were paths on 1:4 slopes. Eventually, after a couple of false trails and check backs, the summit was reached. Being on top of a 410 m mountain is not so inspiring when you are in the middle of a thick wood, but an achievement none-the-less.

The return trail followed the ascent and then headed off towards the left and a series of quarry works. It was particularly heart warming to see the care the quarry workers were taking to reduce their impact on the environment. A tricky descent down a boulder strewn slope resulted in Mad Cow’s hand getting bruised by a large rock. She just won’t be told not to play with rolling stones! Had Doggy Style followed the more stable rock chute to his left and clearly marked by the Hares that morning, perhaps the descent might have been incident free. After a short dash over open ground we picked up the inbound trail and followed it back to the bus.

The walkers had already arrived home and were tucking into the chicken baguettes kindly provided by Friendly Bank. The Circle was in a clearing under the shade of some rubber trees. It was scheduled to start at 1730 and last for 30 minutes. GM, ex-Vietnam Airlines pilot, opened and closed proceedings exactly on time. Titanic Balls did his now famous act of introducing large numbers of virgins to the hash members. He had to cope with 23 this time, easily surpassing his St Patrick’s Day record of 18 virgins. He does well for an old fart. The Hares were then brought into the circle and were roundly complimented on a superlative performance. Those familiar with the Volcano were just amazed at how smoothly everything had gone. Getting all the walkers and runners back at about the same time was a first for this location. "How did they do it?" was an oft repeated refrain.

Three hares were due for a hash name. Justin was named Prophylastic because he works in the rubber industry. His girlfriend, Jennifer, was named Rubber Band because she likes Just In and discos. Finally, Marthe was named Bretony Spears because she is a Breton and likes to sing while she does the dusting. As you can see, the new naming committee* is already producing fruit of a very high quality. There was no time for charges so it was back on the bus at 1800 and off to the ON ON at Tan Cang restaurent, near the Saigon Bridge.

After a brief and event free drive down Highway1, the two Hash buses pulled into the car park. Tan Cang had been chosen for its proximity to the Saigon River. Our group of tables was positioned so that all the hashers had wonderful night views of this romantic river. To the sound of muted horns from the sand barges and other river traffic, we tucked into a sumptuous meal provided free of charge by Hash Cash. By 2200 everyone was showing signs of fatigue so we called it a day/night and headed back to the Caravelle. And what a day/night it had been. The first large event organised by the 2008 MMC and nothing short of a resounding success. Beijing Olympics committee, eat your heart out!

That was the plan but, as Robbie Burns said, "The best-laid schemes o mice an men gang aft agley", or words to that effect. And boy did they gang aft agley. The above report is true as far as the end of paragraph 3. From then on, the Hash Gods were against us. [We had a Volcano. We had plenty of virgins. Where was the sacrifice? In hindsight, the rest of the run was inevitable - Ed]

The walkers were spread out over both sides of the mountain. By the time the runners returned, only 5 walkers had got back. A search party was organised and all but 2 of the walkers were rounded up by nightfall. Alan and Linh, a young Vietnamese woman, had decided to head for Cambodia rather than Highway 20. Thanks to numerous phone calls from David Tanis and the fortuitous arrival of a woman on a Honda, they were finally re-united with the search party and the bus at about 2000. Looking for the positive in all of this, I don’t think we will be needing two buses for a while. Wet Rag led some of the fitter walkers to the summit. Losing upwards of 20 walkers was another first but, moving on. [Not quite true: Ed. recalls a Walking Hare (who shall remain nameless) who managed to lose half the Norwegians in HCMC - and there were a lot of them!]

One bus was dispatched early to Tan Cang and told to save our places. The second bus was about 30 minutes behind. Nguyen Fangio did his best to catch up but was defeated by a 2 hour traffic jam. We finally reached the Saigon Bridge at 2200. The positive derived from this long and tedious journey was the beer didn’t run out - thank goodness [ and our Hash Bus lady, Mrs Nghia - Ed.]

Our tables were arranged in a half circle on a muddy lawn with a great view of the car park. If we were near a river, I never saw it. The positive here was we arrived just in time to witness Round 2 of a fairly lively exchange between some departing wedding guests.

After a pleasant meal and a few more beers, the T-Shirts were dished out. Mighty Quinn had toiled day and night to produce these shirts - well done to you MQ.

At this point, the meal was interrupted by a loud and irritating noise. Doggy Style was yapping on and on about having a Hash Circle. He was like a dog with a bone and just wouldn’t let go. After a great deal of harassment, GM reluctantly agreed to open the Circle. The Hares were rightfully abused and then we moved on to the naming ceremony. Neither Justin, Jennifer nor Marthe were awarded names. Poor Marthe, this was her second failure. She will probably be mentally scarred for life. Mad Cow was thanked for her duties as Hare Razor and her replacement, Mighty Quinn, was introduced to the accompaniment of ribald comments and loud applause.


At about 2300, we all piled back on the bus just in time to see Round 3 of the Wedding Fight. Our cup runneth over!

Special thanks to Wet Rag for leading the fitter walkers back and also to David and Paddy Fag for going the extra mile and assisting the search party.

If anyone suggests another anniversary run at the Volcano, please include me OUT!**

That’s it.
Woofter

* The MMC has recently instigated a separate Hash Naming Committee. All those interested in contributing names for upcoming hounds can join the Namings mailing list by sending an e-mail to: namings-subscribe over at saigonh3.com.
** [Anybody who ever even hints at a return to the Volcano is likely to be tarred-and-feathered by the rest of the MMC – Ed.]