Woofter's Run Report

Running Hares - Satan, Mad Cow and Hash Brown
Walking Hare - Titanic Balls

At the end of Run 903's Down Down, Satan asked for Hare volunteers for Run 904. He offered to provide a car, "What kind of car?", and sandwiches, "Brown bread or white?" came the response from the Circle. "What kind of run?" might have been a better question.

We trundled off to District 12 in a less than full bus. Given the superb coverage of Run 903 in the Thanh Nien dated 6 March, we expected sitting on small stools room only and had even thought of putting another bus on standby. Perhaps the numbers were down because Satan had incorrectly mentioned Saigon South as the run site. This was not to be his only mistake as the afternoon unravelled.

The area Satan chose for Run 904 is tidal. Never a good starting point when selecting a run site. The trail consisted of no paper or very little paper. The paper laid was hard to spot because the incoming tide had either removed most of it or turned it into a kind of camouflaged mush. One early leg was submerged and only a very few Hounds braved the murky crossing. To their credit, Hash Brown and Mad Cow also got their kit wet.

The Hare's action in leading the Hounds down dead ends was at first confusing and then just plain annoying. Check Backs dominated both legs. This kind of check should only be used to bring the Hounds together after a long section and should not be used to have the Hounds muddle back and forth like a demented shunt train. It soon became apparent this backwards and
forwards running was the only way the Hares could build distance into the run.

When Paddy Fag manages to reach the bus in a creditable 3rd place, something must have gone wrong. No more need be said about this sad attempt at setting a run.

The bus driver was none too happy because a Hare had encouraged him to take his bus into a deeply rutted section of the muddy track chosen for the 'Down Down'. The dent to his lower front fender was not well received. Satan, please note.

Without so much as an appeal to the goodwill and tolerance of the Circle, Woofter immediately placed the running Hares on Ice. There they remained until Titanic Balls had introduced the Returnees, Virgins and Foreign Hashers. As one Foreign Hasher, Blue Sailor had forgotten he was a Foreign Hasher, Titanic Balls, showing great patience and understanding, went through the whole process again. The 'Punished Ones' were then allowed to return to the Circle.

Pencil Dick gave awards to Marthe (Red Hareshirt), Mad Cow (50 Run shirt), Aushole (25 Runs) and Isodope (25 Runs).

The two pups of Doggy Style were named along with the son of Radio Active. Hash RA said it was like herding cats trying to get all three to stay in one place. They were quickly Iced and named. Deputy Dawg, Hot Dawg and Isodope were the brilliant names chosen by the MMC. Next came the two adults. John was named 'Deadly Nightshade' until it was pointed out we already had one. Woofter, showing a remarkable command of the Spanish language, re-christened him Bella Donna as the Latin 'Digitalis' was considered too intellectual for the Saigon H3. Nhung was named Speed Hump by Pencil Dick because of her fearless ability to either slow or stop traffic.

The charges followed thick and fast with most concentrating on wet crutches or wet breasts. When did we become a Hash full of perverts? Needless-to-say,Super Slag was leading the charges. GM then called a halt to proceedings, not because we had run out of charges, but because we had run out of songs.

The On On was at a small Vietnamese restaurant On Le Thanh Ton with an unforgettable name. Hashers were reminded the 900th run would be on Saturday, 29 March and the bus would leave one hour earlier at 1330.

Pencil Dick's extraneous comments:

Ahhhh, the walk. This also deserves comment because in many ways it equalled the quality of the run. Walking Hare Titanic Balls led the walkers for almost a kilometer up a gravel road. Just as the walkers were about to start complimenting the Hare on his inspiring trail, he turned right and took the pack along a series of tracks and dykes that led deeper into the swamp that characterises the banks of the Dong Nai River. After pausing for a few moments to savour the magnificent view (Note: this is intended to be sarcasm), the Hare turn the pack around and led them straight back along the same trails to the road. There, they paused for refreshment at the water stop and waited for the runners to come in. In the one thing that went right for the Hares all day, the runners did in fact come in only a minute or two behind the walkers.

So, on to the second leg... Titanic Balls left the water stop and started hiking back down the very same trail that the walkers had covered twice before! Fortunately, he soon turned off and guided the lambs along a series of somewhat wider paths before returning back to the same gravel road. The walkers followed it for another kilometer or so before finally reaching the finish point. That Titanic Balls escaped with no ice time at all is surely a travesty of Hash justice.

[Editor's note: the editor would like to apologise in advance for all the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in Woofter's report]