The entertainment began before the intrepid Hares had left the Caravelle for their trail set on Saturday morning. Two Dicks, attention getter that he is, attempted a wheelie as he entered the up ramp to the hotel car park. Things didn’t quite go to plan and it took 3 of us to pull him out from under his motor bike. The hotel has a great first aid kit should any Hasher ever need it on a Sunday.

A full bus set off for Bien Hoa, Dong Nai Province. After a few uncertainties and crossed wires, the Hounds were eventually led to a dusty track for the start of the run. There, they were briefed on one potential danger. The last time the SGN H3 had run in this area, they were shot at by an over excited young soldier. The Kalashnikov makes a distinctive sound when fired in bursts of three at close range and we had no wish to hear it again. To avoid any repeat bursts, the Hares had met with the army chiefs the day before. The one with the blue plastic sandals seemed to be the ranking officer and he kindly gave us permission to run to the South East and South West of the track. They were there again on Sunday to ensure compliance. In full battle formation, with a double manned Honda Cub on point and a Honda Wave Alpha bringing up the rear, they held position along our northern flank. Fortunately, after a Klick or so, they lost interest and returned to barracks.

We zigged and zagged and zagged and zigged for a bit before setting off in the direction of a steep hill and a rubber plantation. Doggy Style and Paddy Fag managed to get just about every check wrong. El Flatulante, somewhat smugly, claimed to be able to determine the direction of the next leg by watching Woofter’s body language. The GM soon put a stop to that, refusing to talk to himself or anyone else until the end of the run. Mad Cow and El Flatulente then took over as the Hounds most likely to get it wrong. After about 4 Km, the Hash Halt was located in an elevated wood with wonderful views of distant pylons and rubbish dumps.

The second leg wound its way through more rubber trees before heading off to a small building site and into a valley with beautiful vegetable gardens. After another hill and a longish track the Hounds were becoming fractious. Despite much encouragement from the Hares, the Hounds insisted on going the wrong way as often as possible. Doggy Style, foolishly followed the advice of a farmer and would have been lost but for the gallant efforts of Woofter. After about 5 Km, the last loop was cut short and a tired and revolting crew stumbled into the Circle area. The previous day, Fuckoffee and Woofter had done their best to clear all the human and cow excrement from this site. Despite their best efforts, someone managed to find a fresh bit and bring it on the bus!

Paddy Fag did the RA honours and welcomed half a dozen Virgins, Returnees and Visiting Hashers to our circle. Because the Circle Run/Walk Reports were glowing in their praise, the Hares were not required to sit on the ice. GM then introduced the two Hounds needing names. Gregg, a reject from last week, was finally named Nob Doctor because he was foolish enough to acquire a PhD. The fall out from his naming produced another excellent name, Penile Dementia. Should this be awarded to a male or a female Hasher? Bear Bear doesn’t come to the Hash very often, but when she does, she brings Julie along too. As this was her 10th visit, we felt Julie was due a name. She is now known as Bear Back Rider. Our two new names then demonstrated their versatility and agility by pouring beer and water over themselves using two different drinking techniques. Pencil Dick then gave First Hareset T-Shirts to Happy Ending and Trickle Dick.

GM asked the Irish and those who went to last week’s ON ON to join him in the circle. They had failed to drink all the free Guinness provided for them by Sheridans. This failure was seen as particularly damaging to the reputation of SGN H3 and one that should not be repeated. Last week, the Euro Trash were abused for allowing Dutch fudge packers and shirt lifters to do their thing in Dutch parks. With 5 Dutch runners present, it was too good an opportunity to miss. The charge was redone and the Dutch were well and truly iced. Woofter was charged by Aushole for losing 8 of the 24 Virgins from last week but he refused to comment. Fuckoffee charged Two Dicks and Hand Job for seeking sympathy as a result of self inflicted injuries. The final, and somewhat petulant, charge was made by Doggy Style on El Flatulante and Mad Cow for racing. It was obvious that Doggy Style was jealous because he couldn’t keep up, so GM invited him to drink as well. There were more charges, but by this time beer fatigue had set in and GM can't remember what they were about. So, it was on to the announcements.

Spandex Man from Hanoi wanted to know if any Hashers were interested in visiting Ha Long Bay with the Hanoi H3 on 12/13 April. He was told we had better things to do at Can Tho. Another reminder for next Saturday’s Volcano run was made with emphasis being placed on the new departure time of 1330.

And with that, it was back on the bus and the ON ON at O’Brians Bar on Hai Ba Trung.

An appeal from GM. Will somebody please learn a new song and introduce it next week.

Thats it.

Woofter

[And a walk report]
Harmless. Well, mostly. Fukoffee obviously drew the short stick and was put in charge of shepherding the lambs around the course. And a pleasant stroll it was, too. A gentle breeze kept the temperature bearable, there was enough nice scenery to keep even the most jaded of wankers walkers content, and best of all the Walking Hare didn't screw up. Although he did cop some abuse for taking the pack on a false trail in order to let the back-markers catch up. He learned the hard way that walkers are easily confused when a Walking Hare introduces anything different into their Sunday afternoon routine.

Few of the regulars made it to the On-On at O'Brians. In fact, just over half the Hashers at the On-On were Dutchmen. The pizza was good, though.

On On!

Pencil Dick