The bus was full and the new Eskie seats and plastic stools were in use for the first time. Word had reached the City that a free T-Shirt, Vegi-Muck sandwiches and ANZAC biscuits would be on offer. Digitalis didn't collapse his stool despite the bumpy ride, so I guess they passed their first Hash test. We also tested out the new rubbish bags and they performed OK. Mind you, a rubbish bag doesn't have to do much to pass a test. Off up Highway 1 we traveled as the thunder storms gathered. By the time we disembarked somewhere off to the left of the The Vung Tao Road, a light rain was falling. We were joined by Paddy Fag who had decided to make the journey by scooter because he's Irish[Paddy Fag later remarked, "The intellect of the hash trip improves dramatically when travelling alone."]. Three Vietnamese were due names: Dinh Hai, Phuoc Hai and Chi Dat. Hounds were asked to think of names that linked to jobs in real estate, graphic design and Adidas marketing, as they trotted around the countryside.

The first half of the run was a very reasonable 4.1 Km which looped back to the bus for the Water Stop. During this half of the run, Woofter congratulated Aushole on his ability to keep his feet in a particularly tricky gully. Ten seconds later, there was a crash and Aushole bit the dust. He's remarkably consistent, falling over on most runs. The scenery on this first half left a great deal to be desired. Factories and plastic bags littered the run site. Shredded paper must have gone up in price along with other basic commodities because there was very little of it in evidence. Although the rain had stopped, the humidity had risen. Fortunately, there was plenty of cloud cover so the sun was not an issue. Once we had re-hydrated, we set off for a modest 4.3 Km second half. This took us through a very picturesque valley with woods and streams to please the most jaundiced of eyes. A river crossing was made with no casualties. Even Mad Cow managed to make it to the other side without her usual drama! Doggy Style did his best to keep the runners on the move. There was so little paper the run became a stop-start affair while the Hounds waited for the next clue to be reveled. After a long climb out of the valley and past a beautiful temple site, the Hounds made it back to the bus with Doggy Style in the lead. He can't manage it as a Hound, but as a Hare he was unstoppable. Due to the lack of paper, he was the only front runner who had any idea where the run was going. The ice beckoned!

As we cooled off and changed into our 'You Beaut' ANZAC Day T-Shirts, the Hares sang the Vegi-Mite Song (Bless!) before treating the Hounds to tiny Vegi-Mite sandwiches. The crusts had been carefully removed and some of the sandwiches even had a slice of cheese inside. We were then treated to the gastronomic delights of home made ANZAC biscuits. These Australians really know how to live it up!

GM then called the Circle to order and recently re-installed RA Paddy Fag, introduced the 10 Virgins. Two of the Virgins were then invited to give the Run and Walk reports. Their exercise requirements are obviously not very high because they were generous in their praise. The Running Hares in particular, were lucky to get away with minimal paper, unsure of position, leading the Hounds and being first home. To make amends, the Hares taught the Circle how to sing, 'Underneath The Southern Cross'. It was about the only decent singing we heard all night. The 3 Hounds requiring names were then led to the ice. The ad hoc naming committee of Paddy Fag, El Flatulante, Jack Off, Bush Wallaby and Woofter had been hard at work. Ms Hai was named Condom Inium because she works in real estate. The graphics designer, Mr Dat , is now known as Pornographix. The final name went to Mr Hai who works for Adidas. In future, he will be called Just Do It Again[On the fly renaming, as we already have a Just Do It - Ed.]. Paddy Fag led the naming ceremony and there was much spillage as they tried to drink their beer without the use of their hands. Pencil Dick then took over the Circle to give out 2 awards. Having achieved 10 Hare Sets on her last-but-one hash with SGN H3, Mad Cow was awarded the coveted black T-Shirt. Doggy Style was also awarded his 100 Run T-Shirt, elevating him to the ranks of the Dinosaurs (Saigon Hashers with 100 Runs + 10 Haresets).

The formalities over, GM called out John Gardner (Baarbie Doll. He kept that quiet!) the GM of the Caravelle Hotel and thanked him for his sponsorship. He was also praised for his hotel's green credentials and having the best toilets in town. El Flatulante joined him for his negative contribution to Saigon Hash's carbon footprint. As one GM was drinking, all GM's were invited to have a drink. Nutsucker, Tonto, Two Dicks and Woofter completed the group. Last week's run was the St George's Day Run, and organised to celebrate all things English. GM pointed out the Hares for the ANZAC Day Run were from Australia and New Zealand so, you might ask, why was Paddy Fag a Hare on the St George's Day Run. He is either Irish or Australian and is definitely not English. Apart from celebrating his 50th birthday and giving out free T-Shirts, he was just an impostor. El Flatulante was also guilty of telling porkies. His mate, Ms Nguyen, wanted to run the Hash. In his attempt to impress her, he told her all she needed was a pair of Asics trainers and he would help her become GM. They were toasted and then the Circle filled with Australians and Ki-Wi's because they needed another beer. Doggy Style confused us all by stating ANZAC Day had something to do with the Germans. What happened to the Turks? Tonto then got into his stride and the charges were flying hither and thither. We got the usual criticism of front runners and a reminder that Hashers are drinkers with a running problem before he finally came to a halt. Mad Cow was given a farewell drink although she will be back next week. She has promised to wear the lime green nightie Mighty Quinn gave her as a going away present. Can't wait! Once again, the beer was beginning to work its magic so we moved on to the announcements.

Doggy Style talked up our sponsors, The Caravelle Hotel, Mr Fussy and the No 5 Bar, and then told us the ON ON would be at No 5 Bar. We got back on the bus, dragging with us as much mud as we could. Some of the younger Hashers had earlier been involved in a water fight leaving a large muddy patch opposite the middle door of the bus. The driver was advised to move the door away from this area. He did so, putting the door opposite the two large ice blocks. Of course, the slope led towards the bus and as the ice melted, the inevitable happened. Its just great to be in Vietnam.

Many thanks to the Australian Mafia. Next week will not be the same.