There was plenty of potential for disaster on Run 912. Pencil Dick had chosen a valley for the start point. In the rainy season this is not recommended. The final section of the second leg went through military land, another irresistible magnet for Pencil Dick. Amazingly, for the Woofter/Pencil Dick combo, none of these potential disasters came to pass although most of the paper was washed away in the valley area despite careful placement on branches, fences and tree stumps. Something else that didn’t come to pass was Tonto’s prediction at last week’s Circle that, because of the holiday, not many people would turn up to say farewell to Mad Cow. What he meant was Tonto wouldn’t be turning up. The bus was full, but thanks for the positive plug, Tonto.

We started on a trail just off to the right of the Vung Tau road. The track, already soggy from last night’s rain, was made even more tricky by Mad Cow, Strap On and Marthe. Great start to the day, ladies. Once we had negotiated the pissing area we got into some serious mud. Fukoffee, on his 100th run, was determined to impress Mad Cow on her last run. He jumped into a swampy area and just about vanished. I don’t know about impressing Mad Cow, but his disappearing act certainly impressed me. The special bridge crossing, included for Mad Cow’s benefit, was safely negotiated and we trundled on down the river bank just in time to meet up with the short cutters. They had to wade the river to join us only to find they were wading back again after a couple of hundred meters. It doesn’t pay to short cut. Suddenly, there were cows and hashers everywhere as the local bovines took exception to having their Sunday afternoon disturbed. Order was restored and we headed for hillier ground with General Erection and Paddy Fag up front. A run along beautiful woodland trails brought the hashers back to the Water Stop. A perfect 4.5 Km first half.

On the second leg, more treats were in store for Mad Cow. A small herd of cows was specially driven down the trail so she could stand to one side and take the salute. Then a large tethered bull had to be negotiated. On Saturday, when the trail was laid, the bull was quiet and well behaved. At the sight of Mad Cow it got very excited. It was touch and go for a while but we all managed to get past this impressive live obstacle. After some hilly woodland terrain, we eventually found ourselves on a tank testing ground. El Flatulante, in his by now familiar imperious manner, informed us all there were no real tanks around. He wasn’t very convincing especially as he delivered his sound bite standing in the middle of some very large tank tracks. Mad Cow and Fuck Me Not Happy investigating a false trail, just about walked into a shed containing half a dozen parked tanks. Despite repeated warnings from Woofter, they seemed determined to end their Sunday outing on a less than happy note. Another run through beautiful woodland trails with General Erection well to the fore again, brought the Hounds back to the Down Down site. After a second, and it has to be said, equally perfect 4.5 Km run, Doggy Style and Karl had enough energy to race each other to the bus. Lost Our Seoul was particularly pleased to finish without getting lost. An achievement made more challenging because he spent most of the run shepherding a spent Satan.

Paddy Fag stepped up to the plate in his role as RA and introduced a motley bunch of virgins, returnees and visiting hashers. The Hares were then complimented on an excellent run and walk before Pencil Dick awarded a small beer to Fukoffee to commemorate his 100 th run. Well done Fukoffee. GM then called all the Scots and Japanese into the Circle. None of these nationalities were present so he had to make do with a mixed group of Celts and a Japanese look-alike, Mad Cow. It has been a bad week for the Scots. The EU passed a law saying they were not allowed to play their bagpipes at full volume and the Japanese have just been voted, at a recent blind tasting, the world’s best whiskey producers. Nutsucker, by the skin of her teeth, avoided an icing. As far back as early March, she had promised to produce a song sheet. She finally delivered and we all learned a particularly catchy Hash song that I now can’t get out of my head. At last we have made a start and soon we should be able to claim a repertoire of songs. Mad Cow, now wearing a very comely luminous lime green nightie, said farewell to SGN H3. This was her third or fourth attempt to say Good-bye. She was serious this time because she came armed with wine and sandwiches. Thank you for your support Mad Cow and good luck in Sydney.

Pencil Dick charged Doggy Style and Karl with competitive running and they were parked on the ice. After a drink they had to race around the oval rubbish tip we had made home for the evening, and then return to the ice. The winner to be rewarded with less ice and more beer. Doggy Style, short cutter par excellant, easily beat the visitor who wasn’t used to Hash deviousness. The visiting GM from Mui Ne, Short Stump, was politely introduced by GM and kindly invited to drink with Nutsucker and Woofter. He returned these niceties by charging all aged Crock wearers for being seriously fashion challenged. A blatant lie and one obviously stemming from jealousy on his part. Everyone knows Crocks were designed with hashers of all ages in mind. The final charge involved Jack Off. Earlier in the week he had come off third best in an incident involving his computer and his bicycle. Despite a serious grilling, El Flatulante was unable to clearly establish the cause of the accident except to reveal that alcohol was involved. Enough said.

Finally, Marthe from Breton, was brought out for a third attempt at giving her a Hash name. As she sat on the ice contemplating her fate, the Circle made its decision. Eminently suitable Hash names like Bretony Spiers and Kermit were rejected in favour of Froggy Style. Marthe, I hope it was worth the wait!

GM advised people bringing visitors to the Hash to make sure they wore proper shoes. Sandals and high heels were not suitable especially now the wet season was with us. He then advised at the end of every Circle there would be a 10 minute period of social drinking. After 2 minutes Friendly Bank was waving everyone back on board in her best bus-conductor style. After an additional 2 minutes, Pencil Dick was telling every one to go and pee. Were they on a promise or don’t they like social drinking? When we finally boarded, it was full speed ahead to the ON ON at The Texas Grill.



That’s it,

Woofter.