Failing to get the hare's names and numbers correct and failing to get the map published on our web site when the lead hare was none other than our very own Hash Geek, Pencil Dick, did not bode well for the day. As the time approached 1430, it was obvious that word had spread regarding Pencil Dick's ability to come up with unusual hare sets The bus was full, with another fourteen hopefuls waiting on the pavement. All the recently introduced overload capacity was in use so we had to hire two taxis to cope with the overflow. The curiosity and expectations of these additional hashers was not going to be disappointed.

We arrived at the start point, well off to the left of the Vung Tao Road, in the mother and father of all thunder-storms. We were all thoroughly soaked before we had even crossed the road to start the run. Following a very hasty briefing, given by Bush Wallaby, we headed into a cashew nut orchard. Had the hares taken time to note their surroundings, the run may have been saved. Pencil Dick, with all his satellites and GPS aids, had navigated the bus to the Water Stop rather than to the Start Point. Yet another hash first for the king of cock-ups. He can now add losing the first leg to his other and often repeated skill of losing the bus. Given the somewhat large situational awareness mountain to overcome, and given the fact that most of the paper had been washed away, it was little wonder the run went rapidly downhill. Falling off a cliff would be a reasonably close analogy. Round and round the cashew nut orchard we went, repeating trails and attacking the same check points from different directions. You have to hand it to the two Australian hares. Despite insurmountable odds, they did not once consider giving up. Even as the rain continued to pound down, they stuck to their belief they were on the first leg of a two leg run. Ignorance is bliss!

Reality finally began to seep in and the pack left the original cashew nut orchard and headed into an adjacent but identical
cashew nut orchard. Meanwhile, a break away group consisting of Doggy Style, Satan, General Erection, Woofter and two others set off on a course about 90* to the left of the main pack. They found a check point and then a trail. Despite very loud calling, the main pack did not return and were left to their own devices. After about 3 Km of quite pleasant running along well marked trails, the small group made it back to the bus. Four of them then ran back up the trail in the hope of finding the main pack. This group, now completely lost and disorientated, was making its way to the bus from the opposite direction. Deaf Tea Pot, having listened in on the briefing given to the bus driver, was able to use his GPS to find the bus. Amazingly, all walkers and runners returned to the bus within about fifteen minutes of each other.

The rain had softened to a light downpour as The Circle formed. The hares took their place on the ice with Pencil Dick complaining about first having a vote. The vote was taken in your absence Pencil Dick and it was unanimous. As there was no RA present, Woofter did the honours, quickly introducing about 20 virgins, returnees and visiting hashers. Mary, an elderly visitor from Canada and dressed in the latest blue wrap around condom, gave the walk report. She seemed somewhat shell shocked by the afternoon's events, and what normal person wouldn't have been! The run had to be described by two hounds for complete coverage. Doggy Style and a visitor did the honours. A First Hare Set award was given to Strap On who rather gamely removed her original T-Shirt despite the inclement weather. Good effort Strap On. The hares then reluctantly vacated the ice so that we could name Gia Loc, a student of tourism. Doggy Style suggested Bum Steer which I thought was pretty sharp for him however, the crowd preferred du lich meaning tourist and so he was named.

GM brought El Flatulante and Doggy Style into the Circle for unwittingly getting ahead of the latest scientific thinking on cancer prevention. A French doctor is trying to encourage his countrymen to fart and belch more because it helps to reduce the incidence of cancer. Interestingly, France is only half way up the farting league which is currently headed by Greece. The Vietnamese ladies were then toasted for copying the Olympic Flame. GM noted on the day TV showed the Olympic Flame going up Mount Everest, it could clearly be seen doing the rounds of HCMC. Knock off Olympic Flames can be bought in Ben Thanh Market with Olympic Gold Medals available next week. As a tribute to the navigationally challenged, GM then introduced the hash GPS abusers. Wet Rag, Deaf Tea Pot,
Pencil Dick and Snake Bite very sheepishly drank their Down Downs. As this was the one hundredth anniversary of Ladies Day, all the mothers were invited into the Circle for a drink. Super Slag made a bit of a fuss, disputing the origins of the day, so she was asked to join the mothers. Aushole also joined the group because of his personal contribution to motherhood. The Circle was then opened to charges from the floor. Doggy Style had a couple of cracks at the pomms for being rude and bad mannered. I thought we did that a month ago, Doggy Style. Finally, and just to liven things up by letting the Hares know they were still in deepest poo, they were put back on the ice as the announcements were made.

Mighty Quinn appealed for Hares, stating the bus would not leave until all her spaces had been filled. I think I know what she meant. Anyway, it seemed
to do the trick because we are now all hared up until July. Well done Mighty Quinn. As the hashers seemed to be oblivious to the rain, GM announced a 10 minute period of social drinking with a strong warning to Friendly Bank and Pencil Dick not to repeat last week's mistake of trying to reduce this period. Within less than one minute, they were both calling people back on the bus. This blatant disregard of Hash etiquette may only be cured with a renaming. Something to do with a Bus Conductor or a Clippie for Friendly Bank and maybe dropping Pencil and adding Head for Pencil Dick.

Once those of a more friendly disposition had finished their social intercourse, it was all back on the bus and off to the On On at Hoa Vien.

That's it,

Woofter