GDay,

What a pisser of a run! How come those Australians can’t make it rain in their own country!

We all know if you hash in the wet season you get wet. In 12 years of on and off hashing in Vietnam, I have never seen so many rained upon Hashes as in 2008. We are not talking about showers here, but the full colonic irrigation. It rained before we boarded the 2 buses and it rained on the journey to Dong Nai province, only stopping for our pre-run briefing. This was just the lull before the storm. When we set off down a muddy track for the start of our run, the heavens opened and the thunder and lightening crashed and flashed all around us. The rain was so heavy, we could not see where we were going and there were a few slippery moments. With all this rain-making talent on display, how come these Australians have a drought in their own country? Eventually, the rain eased and we were able to take in the scenery. This was mostly manioc fields and small woods. We paddled and splashed our way to the Water Stop, taking care not to lose anyone in the raging torrents that only 30 minutes ago were called roads. With 5 Km down and another 4 Km to go, we headed up a hill beside a beautiful monastery. The rest of the trail was underwater so we were forced to miss out part of a large loop. The same thing happened again just a few klicks down the track so the Hares decided to call it a day and head for the bus. What a good decision. Two Dicks and Snake Bite took a tumble along with El Flatulente and Bogworm. It doesn’t pay to lower your guard too early! Aushole, you would have excelled in these conditions!

Back at the bus, the rain had stopped but the ground was decidedly soggy. There was also a rather ripe smell of wet pigs in the air. Some put the smell down to El Flatulente, but that was rather unkind as he had just arrived following his recent and impromptu wallow in a muddy ditch. Paddy Fag, refuses to open the Circle with a welcome to the visitors, insisting the Hares come up first. Up they came including Paddy Fag! GM tried to encourage Richard The Turd to ice the running Hares because of crop abuse. He couldn’t see the problem and instead gave them a glowing report. No wonder we lost the Empire! Arthole had a bit of a go at the walking Hares but you could see his heart wasn’t in it. Religious Adviser, Paddy Fag, then got into his stride. He dithered about a bit trying to decide if it should be Virgins and Returnees or Visitors and Returnees, first. When he’d finally made up his mind, he was left with just Ms Chi. I don’t know what material is used to make her shorts, but it obviously has a problem with shrinkage! Order was soon restored and we welcomed loads of people. Pencil Dick then bestrode the muddy stage to give out awards for our achievers. Some of the Dog Tags for 100 runs and or 20 hare sets had arrived. A bejewelled and bemedalled collection of senior Hashers including, General Erection, Deaf Tea Pot, Friendly Bank, Pencil Dick, Two Dicks, Hand Job, Paddy Fag and Woofter were soon proudly displaying their awards.



GM then graciously informed the Circle of recent world non-events. Although Vietnamese are unable to navigate themselves around round-a-bouts, 5 of them got most of the way up Mount Everest with 4 summiting. Our Vietnamese male Hashers drank to that. Next came Paddy Fag to make amends for the poor showing of the Irish hand puppet, Dustin The Turkey, at the recent Eurovision Song Contest. Dustin scored ‘Nil Points’ a notable achievement in my opinion. He was joined by the Scandahooligans and Shithouse because a Swedish women believes she is married to the Berlin Wall. She likes long slim things with horizontal lines. That was a cue for Doggy Style to join the proceedings. Finally, the Poms and the Germans came out because an English tourist had successfully sued a Greek hotel for having too many German guests. You can’t make it up! Once order was restored, GM introduced General Erection. He had recently been the subject of an in depth magazine interview. Not quite ‘Hello’, more ‘Goodbye’. Anyway, he had bared his soul and El Flatulente was determined to find out if he was a bullshitter or a f.....g bullshitter. Remembering the correct answer to the questions in the magazine, being the decider. He was soon on the ice for admitting to a love of hashing in Hanoi. After that it became too embarrassing to repeat. El Flatulente has copies of the article for those of you with a sadistic streak. Paddy Fag brought the Chinese and the French out for doing unspeakable things to frogs and fish. General Erection joined in on this and every subsequent charge. Fame has obviously gone to his head. There were more charges but by now I had reached the early stages of penile dementia and can’t remember them. Finally, and just as the rain was beginning to get heavy, Pencil Dick brought up all the Vietnamese lovelies as compensation for not winning yesterday’s Miss Vietnam pageant.

No more charges and increasing rain brought proceedings to a close. GM re-announced the Away Hash in Mui Ne on 26/27 July. Make a note in your diaries. We will take the Hash bus, probably leaving on Friday evening. Good To The Last Drop and Nut Sucker are your contacts.

In closing, and as an important side note, Friendly Bank was under the impression sandwiches were too expensive and therefore not required. This was only a suggestion offered by Pencil Dick as one way of bringing our weekly account into balance. With 2 buses, we are losing about half a million VND each week. Friendly Bank, we love your sandwiches so please don’t stop making them. They are a fantastic addition to our Hash experience. The way to balance the books is for all Hashers to get out there and find sponsors, particularly for beer and water. See me if you want a PowerPoint driven sponsor pitch. Next week, we will be trialing a new and cheaper water while we wait for a sponsor to be found.

Despite the rain, 10 minutes social drinking was in order and then it was back on the bus and ON ON to Number 5 Bar

That’s it,

Woofter