G'Day,

Today’s run was a trip down memory lane. We went to Dong Nai and an area thought to have been overgrown by factory building. Paddy Fag gave the run/walk briefing, confusing all of us in the process. It was going to be an A to B, A to B run with the Walking Hares changing over at the Water Stop that was really a Hash Halt. While Paddy Fag was working out which way was up, we set off into what was virgin territory for most of us. The terrain was varied with the usual manioc fields interspersed with woods, fish ponds and gentle hills. Two Dicks had warned us about the large spiders lurking in the woods. What he really meant was look out for the hornets! About 6 of us were attacked by these vicious insects. I would like to say the sting I received was a distant memory but I can still feel where the little bug... got me. Deaf Tea Pot was so startled by the attack he dropped the Hash Horn. A heinous Hash crime for which he was later punished. Razor wire fences were another hazard to be very carefully negotiated by the older male Hashers. Nine kilometers of pleasant running with no rain to speak of, saw us back at the buses. Unfortunately, they were in the wrong place and had to be moved about half a klick through a thick forest. In a fit of madness, the Hashers having found the buses once, deserted them and ran off to the new location. Fortunately, all was well and that was not the last we saw of our beer carriers. After a few reflective moments, the buses duly turned up at the chosen ‘Down Down’ spot.

The Hares were brought out and duly berated for an excellent run. James, a straight up and down sort of a Hasher from Minnesota, described the run. After much coaching from GM, he insisted the running Hares be iced for repeated crop abuse. Paddy Fag joined them as he was still having problems with the up position. Lost Our Seoul was lucky to escape the ice even though he lived up to his name on more than one occasion. Titanic Balls did the honours on the Walk Report. The spotlight then turned on Paddy Fag as he got into his well oiled and, some would say, long winded routine as Religious Adviser. We had around 12 Returnees and Visitors to toast followed by about 6 Virgins. Among the Returnees were Pecker Head and Titanic Balls. Welcome back guys. Pencil Dick then presented a 50th Run T-Shirt to Bush Blower who rather gamely removed her old T-Shirt to reveal at least 2 more underneath. Our magnificent and highly prized Dog Tag awards were presented to Nut Sucker (100 Runs and 20 Haresets), Deadly Nightshade (100 Runs) and Fukoffee (20 Haresets). Well done to all of you achievers.

Before GM got down to the serious business of locating the Japanese, he called up Joan to help celebrate her birthday. Two Dicks got Doggy Style out to join her. Doggy Style has a new "You Beauty’ mobile phone he is currently updating. He sent a text message to Bush Wallaby asking for his mobile number. Think about it! Once we had all recovered from that insight, it was back to the Japanese. They couldn’t be found which is not surprising considering one quarter of Japanese adults admit to not having sex. Trickle Dick led a motley crew of Japanese look-a-likes into the Circle for a beer. There was more sex to come. A convention of sex therapists recently voted on the optimum time for you know what. Much to the dismay of our male Hashers, this time was put at 13 minutes. Two Dicks wanted to know if that time included the taxi ride to the restaurant, the meal, the return journey and the before shower. Sadly it didn’t, but good to hear that personal hygiene is well up there. The male Hashers were then relieved to hear there was in fact a range of times with the lower limit being set at 3 minutes. Phew! The Vietnamese men were then called out to acknowledge a serious failure. After 3 months, the City edict banning littering and pissing and spitting in public had been declared a failure by the City Fathers. We were all surprised at that.

Charges came next and there were quite a few of them. Woofter called out the ‘Snow Birds’ thinking he would only catch Titanic Balls and Peckerhead. Before he knew it, he was joined by Nutsucker, Bethany, Joan and James all claiming relief from the North American winter. Deaf Teapot had a beer for abusing the Hash Horn. Digitalis then sashayed into the Circle. I think this was a first for him. He charged Bethany (Beth to her friends) and ‘The Hero’ (AKA Karl) with competitive running. Good charge Digitalis. We need to stamp out that kind of elitist behaviour. By now the beer was working and Doggy Style remembered an old charge that had fallen into disuse. Peckerhead was rightly charged with blatant fashion abuse. There were more charges but I think that is enough for now.

An interesting private conversation was overheard during the Circle proceedings. As a rule, we don’t encourage these conversations because it shows a lack of respect for those brave enough to get into the Circle and abuse their mates - Beth and ‘The Hero’ please note for next week. In this particular instance, Nut Sucker and Bush Wallaby were having an in depth giggle about travellers and horse riding. Obviously, all these Circle stories about sex were having an effect. Note to Self: One sex story is probably all that most Hashers can cope with.

The notices centred around a decision to change the start time. Many Hashers felt 2000 was too late to get back into town. It was also felt a late return reduced the number of people able to attend the ON ON. A vote was taken and, with few exceptions, it was agreed to have a 1400 start. This change will take place on 22 June. Please tell all your Hashing mates.

After 13 minutes of social drinking, it was back on the bus and off to the ON ON at Cafe Latin.

That’s it,

Woofter

[Another noteworthy event occurred on the way back to town. Young James ignored the "Go pee pee now!" call at the run site and was in desperate straits on the way back. After much pleading and imploring on his part, we finally got the bus to stop just past the Dong Nai bridge. He leapt off the bus, sprinted 30 metres (as opposed to the three metre stroll the the rest of the pack took, poor lad must be shy) and then took no less that five minutes to relieve himself. Methinks we may have a theme for his hash name - Ed:]