Once again, the Pencil Dick - Woofter Hare combo was in action. Many more Hashers than could normally be expected at this time of year showed up to follow their favourite Hares. They follow, not because Pencil Dick and Woofter are great leaders, but more out of a sense of curiosity. After all, this was the combo responsible for the Volcano fiasco and the run in with the military. Fortunately, the only possible cause for concern as we left the Caravelle Hotel, was a doubling up of the hot dog order.

The chosen run site was a long way out in Long An Province because Pencil Dick's sister-in-law lives there. She has a beautiful farm house with a large terra cotta tiled patio which she kindly allows us to use and abuse every 4th of July. The runners were dropped off first having twice been briefed by Woofter they must be able to run because there would be no opportunity to join the walkers. He was less than impressed to find, within 500 meters of the start, a young lady carefully avoiding the mud and walking! She had ignored the briefing because she wanted to be with her boyfriend who had run off and left her. Her slow presence spoiled the dynamics of the first leg. Fortunately for her, the previous night's rain had washed away much of the trail and the Hounds were having difficulty setting their usual swift pace. The many tethered cows we  encountered, also tended to slow things down a bit. Well done to Pecker Head who stayed back to shepherd this love lorn young lady to the Water Stop bus. As runners, we are all used to the large number of dogs that come out to greet us in order to qualify for their dinner however, few of us have had much to do with attack geese. Two of these vicious birds were encountered at the back of a house that straddled our trail. One of the geese was tied to a stake, such was its reputation for attacking innocent Hashers. We safely navigated all these hazards, finally crossing a rickety bamboo bridge to arrive at the Water Stop after exactly 5 Km of extremely pleasant running.

The Walkers had started from this point so, after a very short break, the Runners were pointed towards a small canal for the start of the second leg. This half was fast and muddy with a mixture of cows and water buffalo. Most of the running was on short grass or sandy tracks with a long final run in on narrow dirt trails. The countryside was beautiful with wide vistas broken up by wooded copses and farm houses. The sheer cunning of the Hares ensured the Hounds stayed together and their navigation brilliance resulted in the Walkers and Runners arriving at the Down Down site at the same time. A total of 9.932 km of beautiful running under overcast skies with a pleasant cross wind, ensured a happy but tired pack of Hounds. Again, my thanks to Pecker Head for sweeping up the stragglers. What an unselfish runner he is. [... to say nothing of fat and slow generously proportioned and unhurried - Ed.]

Everyone enjoyed the food that had been prepared by Friendly Bank, Floppy Dick, Pencil Dick and PD's wife, Rubber Pussy. Thank you for all your help in making this Hash such a pleasant occasion. We even had plates and napkins. The potato salad was a bonus, nicely complimenting the Zorok beer. Someone, with too much time on their hands, had calculated the over supply should produce at least 8 hot dogs each so how come I only got one?

After we had cleaned up and finished off the food, the Circle was formed to welcome the Hares. Pencil Dick, Woofter, Floppy Dick, Pecker Head and Beth formed a defensive ring in the middle. They needn't have worried. Catherine, a new runner visiting from the States, described the run as, 'Fantastic'! She wasn't allowed to utter another word. Good To The Last Drop then came out to give a more analytical assessment of the Walk. It had been ably led by a solo Floppy Dick and everyone agreed, he had done an outstanding job. Fukoffee, in his role as Song Master, led the poorly sung tribute to the Hares. Pencil Dick, adeptly changing from Hare to Religious Adviser, then  introduced and welcomed a string of Visitors and Returnees. This little nicety was followed by a couple of well earned awards. Beth received her First Hareset T-shirt followed by Mighty Quinn who received her 10 Hareset T-Shirt. Well done to both of you.

Then it was time for a naming or two. Beth, who leaves us for Frankfurt, was first up. Woofter thought Whale Tail would suit but it got lost in the translation. There were a couple of feeble references to Doggy this or that Doggy, because Beth is frightened of dogs. Finally, Big Mac came up with ASSistant because Beth described herself as a personal assistant. What woman doesn't! Helping Hand would have been better but no-one suggested it. Pencil Dick did the honours and Beth was christened ASSistant. James had accompanied her on the ice because it was felt that after his performance on the bus home last week, he should be named. Try as they might, the Circle could not come up with anything half decent. Porcelain Phone, Raaalph, Two Pot Screamer and F Word Champ, all failed to excite his fellow Hashers. After 10 minutes on the ice he was allowed to rejoin the throng. We will try again next week.

The Americans were then brought out to acknowledge American Independence Day. They recognise this day as a celebration of freedom. A country with more litigious lawyers than you can shake a stick at and the birthplace of PC - Hmmm! Because it would be uncharitable to point this out on their special day, they were just toasted and told to clear off.

GM informed his audience that it had been another slow news week. A recent survey had found Australians were now more obese than Americans. Impossible, shouted the crowd so a comparison was made. It was a close call with Peckerhead and Floppy Dick larding it on the American side and Big Mac and Snake Bite falling a bit short on the Australian side. The Australians also wanted the 10 meter waddle introduced as an Olympic event, but as no FB had managed to make it to the start, let alone the finish, an Olympic qualifying time had not been set and the idea was abandoned. Sticking with the Olympic theme, the new Chinese medals had recently been on display. They were all the same and every athlete would receive one. The left wing, liberal, latte drinking, chattering class, led by the world's teachers, strongly opposed the Olympic ideal because it produced both winners and losers. This is elitist and very damaging to those who fail to win. They insisted there be no winners or losers, a bit like the Hash you might say. Head Mistress, led an enormous gaggle of teachers out for a drink. They were joined by Stray Pussy who had become confused when she heard, 'left wing'. The floor was then opened for charges.

By now, the consumption of Zorok was producing GM's by the minute and the real GM was in danger of losing control. Private parties were more in evidence and there was a general break down in discipline as Good To The Last Drop came out to present her case. Four Vietnamese ladies were charged with not being able to read, comply with instructions and send a legible e-mail. Tell us something we don't know, Good To The Last Drop. The achievers were called out again for a reason that escapes me. The Hares were belatedly abused by Jack Off for allowing Floppy Dick to lead the Walkers on his own. Finally, GM called a halt because by now everyone was a GM and wanting to run the Circle. This Zorok beer is certainly changing the dynamics of the Hash. James, to his credit, had stuck with La Rue and he was not one of the usurpers. There were a few more comings and goings but at this point GM's notes became illegible. [... and GM was becoming somewhat Zoroked ... - Ed.]

The only serious announcement was made by Woofter who explained the finances of the beer sponsorship. By comparison with La Rue beer, we are paying $1 more for each of the 400 crates of Zorok beer we will drink in the coming year. Our sponsorship deal is worth $1,000 so we are in credit by $600. SAB Miller have promised $300 worth of beer for Mui Ne and $150 worth of beer for the 18th Birthday Run. That puts us ahead by $1,050. We all raised a glass to SAB Miller for their kind support. Finally, Pencil Dick's sister-in-law and her husband came out to have a drink and receive warm applause and cheers for letting us use their house. As they are keen gardeners, they welcome the fact that all uric acid loving plants seem to do particularly well following our visit. GM then closed the Circle despite the pleas of all the other GM's to keep it open.

That's it,

Woofter