|Today 18 June 2019|
Hashing: discovering amazing trails around Saigon like no one else
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No apologies for any mistakes or omissions
The first event of this fun filled weekend was the was the AGPU. The Hashers ate, drank and made merry. Shithouse gave a speech that everyone laughed at but no one can remember. A new committee was elected without a single vote being cast and awards were given out. The only one of any note was the Award for Hasher of the Year” which was given to the most amazing, wonderful, fully deserving and oh so humble Sexy Eyes (no bias at all here honest). The Hashers then danced and drank the night away.
The 1500 run was held in District 9 with a pool party at the end thanks to the generosity of Yippie and Rainman who opened up their home to the Hashers. Before the run began the old committee were called in thanked for their service and summarily dismissed. the new committee was then welcomed in. The transformation was spectacular.
There was a plethora of hares for the 1500th run. The hare for the idiots run was Pee Wee, Shithouse and Rainman were the hares for the gentlemans run, with Tiffany and The Tickler guiding the walkers along the route.
Squealing Pig gave the walk report stating that it was fucked up, shitty and hot, with shoes being lost and people collapsing. He gave a score of 10. Tonto gave the run report describing it as varied with water crossings that confused some of Hasher. Many leapt across like gazelles whilst other stamped confidently over the rudimentary bridge and promptly fell into deep water. Others decided to use the alternative bridging pole as a funambulists pole. Meatsicle even gallantly offered Thuy a ride however she preferred to wade through shit. The water Buffalo hazard turned out to be less frightening than promised as they were all occupied trying to track down the reprobate who had scared their youngsters the previous day. He also noticed that the advanced posse who had been sent out to reccie the trail had managed to destroy the army barracks. The final part of the idiots run was obviously set from the comfort of The Ticklers car with many promising trails passed over because the car wouldn't fit down them. The paper then disappeared completely 1 km from the end and no amount of searching would reveal its whereabouts. Luckily Fukcoffee could smell the beer and led them all On In. He gave it a score of 10 making the overall score for the run 10.
There were no virgins on the run. The returnees were Sloe Gin who has been Globe Trotting again, Pencil Dick who who has been in Australia, Bare Arse Beaver, Pee Wee, Yippie and Rainman who have all been busy avoiding us, White Boy Shut Up Satong who has been chilling out on a yacht in Malaysia and Spandex Max who has returned from Holland The visitors were Dingo and Dick Fromage from Nha Trang, and Sir Tinkle and Squealing Pig who just couldn't bare to miss the fun.
First Hare Set award T shirts were given to Pee Wee and Tiffany. After some mass debating Tiffany was initiated into the Hash as Wet Ride and baptised in the pool.
The charges then commenced with Meatcicle being called in. He had shocked Lickalopopus at the party by stating that he was only going to have 1 glass of wine. She had battled with her natural inclination to deride him for his choice and her support was appreciated later after his 10 1 glasses of wine rendered him rather unsteady. However her loyalty had not paid off as the next day when she was winding her way along the trail she came across Meatcicle admiring the berries in a beautiful tree. Following his instruction to ‘Look up” she fell straight into a ditch.
Sir Tinkle was then charged with disorganisation. He booked to fly his entire family from Phnom Penh to England last summer but managed to arrange to arrive 6 hours before his wife's visa was valid. She was therefore left relaxing at Phnom Penh while he travelled with the kids thereby fulfilling one of his wifes happiest fantasies.
Pole Polisher was then charged with dereliction of duty. Since he retired planes keep falling out of the sky, it is obvious that his help is urgently needed and yet he is still to be found propping up the bars in Saigon.
The hares were then charged. The idiots had been wondering why they were on the idiots run until they ran the 5 km of dusty track and road and realised that they were idiots for thinking that the hares could set a run.
All the former GMs were then called in: I Choked Linda Lovelace, Tonto, Shithouse, The Tickler Runny Yolk, Bare Arse Beaver and Fuckcoffee. The Hashers were busy congratulating themselves for getting rid of the assembled motley crew when they suddenly realised that they had let Fuckcoffe back in.
White Boy Shut Up Satong was then charged. We all realise that he is Malaysian and that for Malaysians the priority is food then beer but when a bunch of drunk Hasher asks you where to next the required response is not “well I know a good Japanese restaurant”.
A group of wannabe Hashers were then called in. They were debating how to get down a 4 ft bank. Suggestions such as “slide down on you bottom”, “hold onto that tree branch”, “careful it's a bit slippery on the loose mud “ could be heard. No! This is not a kindergarten, there is no health and safety code, we are not going to do a risk assessment. This is a hash, just run down! Just Add Beer then demonstrated in a timely manner by going arse over tit for the second time that day, this time down the swimming pool wall into the beer.
Then Americans were then called in. It seems that whilst they are capable of getting a man into space they find women more problematic. Having finally managed to arrange for the first ever female space walk they failed to provide a space suit which would fit.
Chichi Madera and Shithouse were then charged with sex on the hash. Apparently a conversation between the two of them was overheard. Chichi need to buy another red T shirt but when he offered to pay Shithouse turned him down saying “I still owe you for that thing you did”, “What thing was that, I don’t remember doing anything”, “You know that ‘thing’ you did for me”, Oh yes, you do still need to pay for that”! Well what other conclusion could there?
Then all the Hashers with damaged legs were called in to answer for Casaputas absence. A torn Achilles tendon is hardly worth jumping on a plane to Spain for when you are due to be the hare for the recovery run is it? Down downs were duly drink.
Finally Dick Fromage was called in as a stand in for the GM. All the Hashers assembled had behaved in a totally uncharacteristic manner managing to register on time for the weekends events. All that is except 1. Being the GMs Moll does not negate the need to register, or maybe it does.
The On On was at Rainman and Yippies house.
The hares for the recovery run were Chichi Madera and Bambino Chicalina with Sexy Eyes taking good care of the walkers. The run was in the wilds of Thanh Da Island after a quick boat trip across from the civilisation of Thao Dien. The run report was given by Dingo who described it as a complete disgrace set by European bastards. It was hot with angry hornets, bees and ants, the only thing missing was the snakes. The beer stop was 50 meters from the end and the beer took more than 30 s to arrive. He gave it a score of -232. Pencil Dick was called in to give a walk report but was too slow. Yippy stated the she enjoyed it immensely as it was very clean and beautiful with lotus flowers and lotus leaves that you could pick to provide shade. She gave a score of 240. Pencil Dick then finally managed to have his say, complaining about the mud, the obstacles and the fact that for the first time in his entire hashing career he had had to crawl on his hands and knees. He gave a score of -40. Finally Tonto was called in to give a report on the private run that he had done. He had taken The Tickler up on his offer of a lift and rather than going to the ferry they had decided to drive to A, an impossible task as they soon discovered, after getting stuck in the car on numerous small lanes and having to backtrack causing gridlock on the otherwise quiet track. Luckily they managed to have a beer stop in the car before abandoning it to hike 4 km to the start of the run. Despite only arriving an hour late they discovered to their dismay that the Hash had started without them. They set off on the trail and the ‘girls’ managed a 5 km run without spotting another Hasher whilst the men quickly became despondent and headed back to the beer. He gave a score of +40 making the overall score +8.
All those absent from the Saturday hash were then called in by the RA to explain their absence. There was the virgin David, his dad Lost Arsehole has finally managed to raise him to an acceptable level of depravity to join the Hash so had returned dragging him along. Jen is a busy working girl so hadn't been able make until Broken Seal made her and the visitor, Khai from Switzerland, come.
Spandex Man was then charged. He had the horn at the party so he lost his clothes after which he also lost the horn rendering him unable to perform in his customary manner. Luckily he did manage to find his whistle.
David and Lost Areshole were then charged. They had turned up for the Sunday recovery run at the right time but too early. Upon ringing to inquire what had happened to all the other Hashers they had discovered that they were 7 days early. Lost Arseholes wife had been so devastated that she had been unable to bare the thought of a repeat performance so had refused to come this week
Dingo then charged I Choked Linda Lovelace with behaviour unbecoming of a Hasher. He staggered up to his boudoir after the Hash pool party on the 1500th run and he promptly fall asleep leaving the poor Sexy Eyes with noone to see to her needs.
Tonto then regaled us with the the tale of the argument on the bus back from the 1500th run. An American and a Spanish man were hurling abuse at each other in a very childish manner in the back when surrogate dad Tastes Great turned around and gave them both a good talking. They sulked briefly and were then the best of friends again but did keep asking “are we there yet”.
Ballcock was then charged with being a loser. He lost his voice on the Saturday run and his glasses on the Sunday run when the hornet attacked him nearly making him lose his eyesight. This charge was then followed up and he was joined by Rainman, Jen and Sir Tinkle who had all similarly failed to show the proper respect to the local wildlife and ended up with souvenirs to take home. It always pays to respect nature as a true Saigon Hasher knows.
Sir Tinkle was then charged with overindulging at the second impromptu beer stop after he crashed the wedding. There is a rumour that the photographic evidence may soon be found blazoned across the front of the Harriers magazine.
Finally Pole Polisher was called in as a shining example of a true Hasher. Despite having dodgy knees he didn't let any of the obstacles slow him down. If he couldn't get over then he just broke them and went underneath. Imagine what he will be like on his annual visit next year when he has new bionic knees.
The On On was held at the run site.
The final event was the Monday Run through the alleys and parks of District 10 oraganised by the Monday Hash House Harriers. The live trial was set By Bambino Chicalina and Chichi Madera and the runners streaked off after them disappearing into the darkness of the park, reappearing briefly and then disappearing again down the alleyways. The walkers could hear faint calls of On On in the distance as they ventured into the alley ways. Their trepidation was soon assuaged as the local residents took great pleasure in guiding them on their way, pointing out directions and flour whenever the walkers faltered. The walkers and runners met up again close to the finish and would have ended together had one of the walkers not been drawn in by the colourful wares on sale. The On On was held at the park.
That's all for this week.
Sexy Eyes signing off.
Date: 07/04/2019 Location: Dong Nai
There will be a pick up in D2. Click on the picture below to see where the bus stops. The bus will be in D2 at about 2:15 pm so its best to be at the stop by 2:00 pm
The bus will leave the Caravelle at prompt, so please make sure you are there by . For directions please click here.
The Hash always needs hares let us know when you want to set your trail.
The Saigon Monday Hash House Harriers run every Monday - surprisingly enough! The start point is always posted on Facebook so please get into the habit of checking it out if you want to run with them (details here).
The Saigon Hash House Harriettes host a city run on the Friday closest to every Full Moon.
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